Memories

Haha! While exploring my email, I found my old blog which I completely forgot about. I will blame this on my near-full brain. Honestly, I wish scientists would invent an external hard drive for the brain so I don't have to keep deleting memories. So here's one of my posts from February 2010, before I decided to pursue a medical career. I can recall my dilemma back then and the same questions still plague me. Read on!

For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a doctor. Always.

Now, though, when I'm staring at the opportunity to realize my dream in the face, I begin to have doubts. It's not because of the formidable reputation that medical school has with regard to the infinite studying, memorizing, and endless case presentations. I know I can handle it. I'm a nursing graduate so I know what lies ahead in a medical career. But, considering the long and tiresome hours that interns and residents spend on their shifts, I realize that it might not be for me. I want to be able to settle down soon, maybe raise a family, and I don't really see that happening if I choose to stay in the hyperactive world of the medical profession.

My only other option (since I really don't want to stay a nurse) is law. The idea came to me during my last year in college when my parents asked if I wanted to proceed to medicine. My father had hinted at law instead because according to him, I had spunk. My freelance writing career which started a few weeks ago reinforced this idea. The problem is I don't really know much about law. My concept of a lawyer's work comes from movies [cue clip from Devil's Advocate] and other people's definitions. I have no personal experience with law matters and my Philippine Government and Constitution class bored me to death. Although the ideas of speaking as eloquently as ancient Greek senators and of performing impassioned deeds to defend a client are appealing, I'm not really sure that I have enough gut to pursue this kind of career. But the interest is there. I feel drawn to it the way a kid is drawn to a candy bar he is yet to get his first taste of. That's where my real dilemma lies. I'm afraid I might just be wanting this career change at this moment then later on live to regret a major decision in my life.

So here are the facts:
1. My desire to be a doctor remains. However.......

2. The confines of the hospital, the looooooong shifts, the blood and guts, that are omnipresent in the life of    doctor have diminished my passion for that kind of career. Also......

3. I've already gotten into a good medical school. I just deferred from enrolling for a year. Basically, it'll be easier for me if I go ahead with the original plan since I wouldn't have to go through the tedious application process. But.....

4. I'm really, really, interested in taking up law.
5. I'm not completely confident that I can pull this off in the long run.

Those are the factors I have to consider.

By the way, I only have 3 1/2 months left before the school year begins so I need to make up my mind fast. Lightning fast. Help!

It brings a smile to my lips to read about my old self. So self-conscious.haha In the end I did proceed to medical school. I lost my interest in law. Every day I approach my internship and it's something I truly look forward to. But it also fills me with dread that maybe this isn't the life for me. How can that be?, I wonder. Oh well, I'm already here. I might as well finish it what I started. :)